Category: Telly / Films

My bletherings about certain aspects of TV/Film.

Eurosong Fever 2024: The Semi-Finals 2

Ah, here we go again. I’ll be doing this one in realtime, so if you’re actually reading this, refresh and I’ll update as it goes along. Here’s what’s going to be on tonight, not counting the other ones that are already through.

Malta Sarah Bonnici – Loop

As always, off to a generic start. Very similar to Cyprus’ entry from the other night. And I think that went through, I’ll certainly not remember this one at all.

Albania BESA – TITAN

Apparently, she thinks the reworked version of this song is much better. Another slow one. Looks like she’s smuggled the Mitchell Brothers onto the set, mind. I hope this really kicks off with some kind of proper dance beat.

THERE IT GOES. It did. Shame it’s just the last 30 seconds though.

Greece Marina Satti – ZARI

Oh my. Sounds like she’s been using too much helium. Nope, don’t like this one, which means it’ll probably go through with flying colours… Speaking of flying colours, there’s too many of them, and it’s sensing the iplayer encoding on the wonk again. Not for me, that one.

Switzerland Nemo – The Code

Apparently, this is one of the favourites to win. High pitched screaming. A rap. Drm + Bass. Thgis ticks all of the aurovision boxes. Doubt we’ll see the busty milkmains on this one though. Best music of the night so far. Definitely through.

Czechia Aiko – Pedestal

Ergh. I don’t like this one as much as I thought I would when it started. The vocals don’t suit the music, it’sd as if she’s half an octave down. Don’t think it’ll get through.

And now a sing that’s already qualified… France. Is it going to be any good?

Three seconds in, and it’s absolutely not by type of song. Slow, ballady , and it looks like he’s wearing an onion bag.

Austria Kaleen – We Will Rave

Ooh, this one’s going to be a dance song. About time. Should have guessed that by the title, but yes, I like this one a lot, which means it has absolutely no chance of going through Definitely the best one of the night so far. POne of only a couple that I’d actually go out in the full contest and buy. And just when you think it’s going to end, it slaps one more chorus and “that” drum sample. Douse points.

Denmark SABA – SAND

Yeah, this one’s not bad. Heavy on the percussion, which meakes a good song. At least it does to be, anyway. Two good ones in a row. I like that.

Armenia LADANIVA – Jako

Catchy, with trumpets. N oidea what they’re singling about, but plenty of la la la bits. Probably not good enough for me to claim three goodsongs in a row. It’ll go out. Though it’s been about 5 minutes and it’s still going through my head.

Latvia Dons – Hollow

And here we are, back to the slow, ballady ones. That’ll probably go through, though I’m not really a fan.

Now there’s a Spain – an Electronic duo, so I’ll probably like this. It… wasn’t bad. Don’t think it was as good as they made it out to be.

San Marino MEGARA – 11:11

Apparently, the Sapnish track translates into ‘vixen’. Which is ironic, as I’m now sat here thinking “What the fox that?” Not quite as weird as the Irish entry the other night, but it’s up there. I do quite like it and actually hope it does well. It SHOULD get through.

Georgia Nutsa Buzaladze – Firefighter

this one’s not bad either. Got those traditional violin sounds to it. No idea what it’s called, but, yeah, I’d like to see it go through, therefore it probably won’t.

Belgium Mustii – Before the Party’s Over

Well, theat ends the long run of decent songs. this one isn’t. It’s already forgettable and I’m still listening to it. It’s picked up towards the end, but I don’t think that’s going to be enough to save it.

Estonia 5MIINUST – x Puuluup (nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi

Er, is that what this one’s called? I copied the name from the Eurovision website, so it’d better be right. Oh apparently it IS the right name, and it’s the longest song title in the history of Eurovision. So, that’s interesting.

A rap group and a zombie folk group, you say? Well, I have no idea what they’re singing, but I’ve just cranked the sound up. If this doesn’t qualify, there’s something wrong. It’s up there with the top two songs of the night.

Italy next, and these have already qualified. Angeline Mango, apparently. La Noia, which translates to Boredom. Sounds like some weird folk song. Not that good. Decent set of lungs on her, but I wouldn’t queue outside Solid Sounds to buy it.

Israel Eden Golan – Hurricane

Another show, ballady ones Apparently, there was booing during the rehearsals. Not for the song, I guess, as it’s quite good. It’s got that suble hint of piano which I like so much in a song. I don’t think it’ll even get close due to the current politial situation, which is a shame as I quite liked it as a song.

Norway Gåte – Ulveham

A song that features a traditional Norweigan herding call. Oh, there’s one of the weird stringed instruments like a violin, but with keys. I forget what it’s called. And then it all kicks off. I like this one. Genuinely something I’d add randomly to spotify, forget why I added it, yet still listen to it in its entirety every single time. It’s reat. I’ve already resigned it to the EuroDustbin by claiming I like it, but it deserves to go through.

Netherlands Joost Klein – Europapa

And here we go, this is it. the final one. He sounds like Scooter, looks like a camp Jimmy Savile. Stupid suit, catchy song, ridiculous dance moves. Naming random foods. Tribute to late father This one needs to go through. If it doesn’t, the roots of Eurovision have been lost to history. Definitely in my top three.

Well, all of that fitted in 1000 words, chiming in at 998 words. That’s quite amusing. You can tell I’m looking for something to do while this TERRIBLE interlude goes on. Pointing the microphone at the audience, and getting them to join in with several of the winners. How are they going to top this during the actual finals?

So overall, I’d like to see Austria and Norway to go through. Netherlan

Here’s the ones I’ll predict will go through…

Norway – THROUGH
Austria – THROUGH
Estonia – THROUGH
Latvia – THROUGH
Switzerland – THROUGH
Armenia – THROUGH
Netherlands – THROUGH
Georgia – THROUGH
Denmark
San Marino

Let’s see how many I get right, eh? Ones I got wrong are…

Israel – Glad that got through even though I didn’t think it would. I like that song.
Greece

Well, that’s not bad. 8/10. San Marino didn’t get through when I really thought it would. I was going to say it may have been just too weird, but then again, Ireland got through on Tuesday night, so there’s no accounting for taste.

Right, anyway, that concludes this post. I guess there’ll be an update on here on Saturday night.

Eurosong Fever 2023!

UPDATE: A server move has corrupted this post somewhat – the encoding has changed the foreign characters to a bunch of symbols…. grrr. One day I might fix it. Probably not.)

Oh yes. It’s that time of year again. It’s Eurovision 2023! Join me, as I go through the runners and riders, criticise their songs, and generally make fun of the entire thing. It’s going to be great! Now, this is going to be in realtime, so please refresh this page (F5) to get the latest version.

Right, so it’s started now. And it all starts off with a “special” version of last years’ Ukraine entry. Some video inserts, and now they’re ‘performing’ it live at the venue. I wonder how long it’s going to go on for, because so far it’s felt like 2 hours, and we’ve not even started yet. Oh, there’s a flag parade. I think this might be the best time for me to go and get some beer.

Austria: Teya & Salena – Who The Hell Is Edgar?

Oh god, yeah, this one is going to do well. It was in the semi-finals and everyone loved it. Po po po po pooooo. I remember quite liking it. I think it’ll do well because it’s pretty damn catchy. Will it win? Never more. Not sure what that whole 0.003 bit was about.

Portugal: Mimicat РAi Cora̤̣o.

No song has won from position number two. this one starts off like “I Will Survive”. I remember this one sort-of having a Tetris vibe to it. I didn’t think it’d get through to the final, but it did, despite some of the much better numbers such as Ireland going home. That was a surprise. Below is the running order, which I’m gojng to fill in as it goes, naturally. It’s just making things easier for me. Doing this now, because this song is entirely forgettable, and I don’t think it’s going to get anywhere….

Switzerland: Remo Forrer – Watergun

I really dislike this one. Something about not wanting to be a soldier, and instead, playing with water guns. Slooooooow. Not a fan. It’s going to do well, because it’s about war.

Poland: Blanka – Solo

Apparently, it’s catchy. Let’s hope so. It’s like Ace of Base. In a way. It’s OK. Infinitely better than the last trash. It’s going to bug me though, because there’s a bit that sounds like another song and I can’t think what. It’ll come to me at some point tonight. Yeah, that one’s alright. It’s grown on me since I heard it in the semi-final Hope it does well. My fave of the night so far.

Serbia: Luke Black – Samo Mi Se Spava

I didn’t like this one, but the crowd seemed to love it. Not catchy at all. It’s one of those songs that wants to be something that it isn’t. Absolutely no memorable quality, except maybe that “Hello” but. and that’s literally it.

France: La Zarra – Évidemment

Ahh, now, one of the first that I haven’t heard before properly. Oh, god, can it get any slower? Ah, there we go. It’s licked in quite a lot. That first 30 seonds was dire. It’s not bad. No idea what she’s singing about, because it’s entirely in French. It’s probably about double glazing or something. Yeah, there’s definitely been worse. Not catchy, but the crowd are loving it.

Now there’s a recap of some of the interval acts from the sem-finals. Most of which I fast forwareded at the time, so I have absolutely no idea. Thankfully, I haven’t missed much. Apart from Dustin The turkey. Who remembers him?

Cyprus: Andrew Lambrou – Break A Broken Heart

Best intro so far. Downhill after three seconds though. Ohhh, it’s one of those that’s going to go either way. It’s either going to be great and actually kick off, or it’s just going to sit around and do nothing for three minutes. Yeah, this one’s OK. Not going to queue and get the CD for it, but it’s not going to make me run somewhere and kick the radio off the wall. Have a feeling it’ll do well.

Spain: Blanca Paloma – Eaea

Another one of the “Big Five” that didn’t have to go through the semi-final stage, so I have no idea what this one sounds like. I’ve heard rumours that it’s supposed to be good, though.

Well, this one wasn’t worth waiting for. Sounds like they’re playing the backing track to the wrong songs. Sounds like she’s in pain, poor lass. this isn’t going to do amazing.

Sweden: Loreen – Tattoo

I remember her microphone sounded weird in the semi-finals. She was wearing one of those jaw mics, and it didn’t sound good at all. Well, it still sounded the name, so maybe it’s meant to be like that? The song itself isn’t bad. Apparently, it’s been streamed 55,000,000 times. It’s written by one of the members of Amaranthe, so that might have had something to do with the reason why it’s so popular. It’s going to do well.

Albania: Albina & Familja Kelmendi – Duje

You’re only allowed 6 memembers on stage, and they’re all the same family. It’s… Well, I’d nortmally say it’s different, but there;’s no such thing as that in Eurovision. In fact, Spain also started with that screaming stuff. Dance moves with hankies. Yup. That’s Eurovision for you. Forgettable. When the song finishes, it will never sweep through my brain again. Definitely a bottom halfer.

Italy: Marco Mengoni – Due Vite

He’s a big star in Italy, apparently. Again, the first time I’ve heard this one, and, yeah. It’s alright, if a little slow. It’s in Italian, so I have no idea what he’s on about. Prima la musica? I love music? Does that mean I can speak Italian now? Scorchio! It’ll probably do well.

Estonia: Alika – Bridges

Oh yes. I think Tom showed me this one. It’s a piano that played itself. I tried to look for the floppy drive on it, but couldn’t see it. I remember seeing one of those automatic pianos with a floppy drive on it. No sign of it though. Where the maker’s mark shiould be, it says “Estonia”. Nice touch. I quite like this one, in a “It’s better than the majority” vibe. Yes, I do actually like this one. Hope it does well.

Finland: Käärijä – Cha Cha Cha

Apparently, the dancers to a ‘human caterpillar’ dance move. Interesting I’m sure. Well, this is all about the stage performance. Oh, wait. Not quite the human caterpillar I thought he was referring to. The crowd absolutely love this one, and I have to admit, it’s catchy. It’s be very surprised if this wasn’t top 3. it’s 100% Eurovision

Czechia: Vesna – My Sister’s Crown

‘We’re not Your Dolls’, apparently. Oh, go away. I like the little flute sample in the background. I’m not sure what the song is about. Porbabbly something about GURL POWER. I think I’d like an instrumental version of this. Impressive ponytails though, if they’re real. I like the music, not the song.

Australia: Voyager – Promise

Yeah, this one’s actually quite good. Rocky, synthy vibe. this one’s great. I think Jamie S would actually like this one. I’d probably say this one’s my favourite of the nights. It’s the one I’ve not had to think about liking. If you’ve ever heard ‘Beast In Black’, it reminds me of them in a way. Synthy rock. this is right up my flagpole. I’d love to see this do very well.

Belgium: Gustaph – Because Of You

Well, the crowd like it, and it’s pretty upbeat. this is your typical Eurovision fodder. If you typed “Write me a Eurovision Entry” into ChatGPT, this is the type of stuff it’d come up with. I can’t help but think it’s completely, and utterly forgettable in every way, shape and form., but no, I do remember this one from the semi-finals, so that’s got to mean something.

Armenia: Brunette – Future Lover

I didn’t like this one at all in the semi-finals. It just seems tuneless, especially compared to the previous song. Admittedly, I like it a little more than I did in the semi-finals, but I doin’t think it’s going to do well. That’ll probably mean it’ll win, then.

Moldova: Pasha Parfeni – Soarele ÅŸi Luna

This is just weird. There’s a dwarf, named Sergio, playing a Moldovan flute or something (a Caval, apparently). 15/10 for the stange perfornace…. 8 out of 10 for the song. I’d like this to do well because it’s had the best staging of the night so far.

Ukraine: TVORCHI – Heart of Steel

Apparently, their name means “Creative” in Ukranian. Every day’s a school day. again, another one I haven’t heard. this year’s slightly different, because I watched the semi-final for the first time. I’ve never done that before, so some of the songs I’ve heard, but there are six that I haven’t. Well, I can quite honestly say, they’re not winning any votes this year.

Norway: Alessandra – Queen of Kings

This was the first one I heard in the semi-finals and I really, really liked it. Really catchy tune, and again, another Eurovision staple. Reminds me very much of “Wolves of the Sea” from a few years ago. It sounds like a ‘GURL POWERZ’ type song, but it’s catchy enough for me to still like it.

For the record… Wolves of the Sea was the Latvian entry at the Eurovision Song Contest 2008 in Belgrade performed by the group Pirates of the Sea. It qualified from the second semifinal in 6th place. In the final, it was performed 10th following Belarus and preceding Croatia. At the close of voting, it finished in 12th place with 83 points.

Germany: Lord of the Lost – Blood & Glitter

Ohhhh, this one’s supposed to be the winner. I haven’t heard it, but just by the looks of them, it looks like it should be right up my strasse. Hahaha. Yes, this is amazing. Over-the-top costumes, metal with a buried piano. It’s like Lordi are back. There’s a screamy bit too. If I needed a reason to run out and buy the soundstrack, it’s this, Norway, and Australia. Graham Norton hated it. Brilliant!

Lithuania: Monika LinkytÄ— – Stay

Oh yes. I’m sure Tom at work kicked off about this one because she appeared back in 2015 with essentially the same song. I just nodded and agreed. I was just excited that I had someone to talk about Eurovision with, even if it was for a brielf 10 minutes. Yes, I like this one, even if it does allegedly sound like a previous entry. Anthemic? Is that the right word? Don’t know. It does start off a bit slow, but that chorus sticks with you.

Israel: Noa Kirel – Unicorn

I heard something about this one being popular. Apparently she’s really big in Isreal. The song is not amazing. I think this one is all about the dancing Phew. Not sure that’d come across well on the CD though. Not quite sure what the power of a unicorn is… Fart rainbows? Admittedly, I don’t think I blinked during the entire time of that dance.

Slovenia: Joker Out – Carpe Diem

very generic. the crowd were clapping away to it, which is usually a good sign that it’ll do well. It’s on the acceptable side of generic though. Yeah, go on then, I quite like it. there, I said it. The beer must be taking effect. Singer looks like him out of China Crisis.

Croatia: Let 3 – Mama Å ÄŒ!

Oh, they’re doing a video of Whitby in the build-up. Apparently, these are going to be Croatia’s version of Monty Python. And if they win, they’re going to perform their reprise completely naked. There’s not going to be any chance of that happens. If they win, I’ll run over to Liverpool in the break, get up and join them completely naked. This is dire. I can hear the word ‘syncophant’. Or something like that, and that’s all I can understand. the crowd loved it? No accountinfg for taste.

United Kingdom: Mae Muller – I Wrote A Song

the last song of the night. Another one I haven’t heard. Well, not fully. As tradition, I try to avoid our songs until this very moment. Well, it’s catchy, I’ll give it that. Whether it’s enough to save it from the middle / bottom half of the table, I don’t think so. I wonder what they do with all of these custom LED panels when the show’s finished. It’s a shame that it’s all over for another year. It’s a shame that my original plans for the night fell through, but at least I’ve got to spend it with both of my readers. I’ll be back on when the otes start. I’m not going anywhere.

After the jury votes, we’re…. not doing well, but Germany are doing worse. I’m very surprised. I liked that song.

And the next update will be the final score…. apart from this one… It’s cormed we’ve finished 2nd last underneath Germany. Oh well.

And here’s your final score.

I enjoyed every second of that. Already looking forward to next year. And that concludes this blog post. Same time next year?

Your order has been dispatched…

It’s taken nearly 5 months, but today I received confirmation that my vinyl copy of the Desmonds theme is on its way…

“Hey!

Just a quick note to say that Happy People Records shipped your order and it’s now on its way:

Norman Beaton – Don’t Scratch My Soca (Desmonds TV Theme Tune) 7″: Ltd. edition coloured 7″, by Happy People Records
Record/Vinyl”

I can’t believe this is literally the only thing I’ve had to blog about for the past 6 months (lie: there’s been loads of stuff, but the only hits on this site now are from bots, so what’s the fucking point?) but even this could be coming to a close! I shall, of course, do an update when it lands through the portcullis of Mercuryvapour Towers.

Desmond still hasn’t arrived yet.

You may remember in my last post (if you don’t, just scroll down a little), I talked about getting the theme tune to Desmonds on Vinyl, and how excited I was at this particular series of events… you may have also noticed that I haven’t updated you with anything since then… and that’s because there’s nothing to report. As you can guess by the title of the post, it still hasn’t arrived. I’ve bugged the vendor who have said there’s been difficulties in manufacture, and the latest date they have is September 15th.

I did hear back from the producer of the record, which is nice, so I’ll include a bit of that if and when the record arrives, as it gives a nice little insight into the origin of the theme.

In other news, as I haven’t really been blogging much, I had another operation on my foot a couple of months ago (I don’t think it was long after I bought that Desmonds record), and my foot is healed. I just hope it stays that way.

I didn’t really do a blog about it… initially I intended to, but it literally was about as uneventful as things go. Of course, I did talk about the operation, so in order to pad this out a little, let’s flash back to the start of June…. (cue wibbly effects)…

Oh, and if you don’t like reading about operations, just skip bast the bold section below…

Strap yourselves in, folks, as things are about to get graphic. No photos thankfully. I don’t think they’d have liked me updating Facebook with photos.

Anyhoo. There I am, in the theatre, flat to the boards, with my left leg in the air. My only view was of the three ceiling lights, and a load of pipes, presumably for oxygen and stuff.

In goes the cannula. A device whose name escaped me until just now.

My leg was smothered in KY Jelly. Trying to take my mind off things, I wondered if that was a brand name, or just a general term. I never bothered looking it up, but by the time this goes “to print”, I’m sure I will have. (EDIT: I didn’t.)

There was talk about arteries, and I could feel some device pressing on my leg. I’m guessing this was some type of ultrasound. Dunno for certain, as my view was still of the ceiling.

It was then that the injections started, obviously for the anaesthetic. Pretty much felt like I was a dartboard at that point. I could feel each one going in, followed by a strange sensation I can’t describe, sort-of like everything was going tight.

The anaesthetist would be verbally confirming how much he was giving me, millilitres by millilire, and I guess he wasn’t allowed to just bung the whole lot in one go.

I still had sensation in my feet, like I could acknowledge when the specialist prodded something, but there was no feeling. They tested it with cold spray. Nothing. It was so weird.

Then, the operation itself began. It started with a few crunching noises. It initially sounded like he was cutting my big toenail. Whenever I get that particular nail done at the podiatrists, it always makes a satisfying crunch. Not this time, however, he was more than likely breaking my toe in order to be able to fuse it. Lovely.

It was at that point tried to think of anything other than what was happening around me… My music collection come to mind, and I thought of a way to improve my personal MP3 database (I have an SQL database with the details of my CD rips in them. it should be trivial to include a link to the music files themselves, to save me having to copy and paste the filename each time… In case you were wondering).

In a vain hope to take my mind off the noises even further (and the fact the specialist was now clearly using a screwdriver on my foot) I had a brief conversation about my music collection. I mentioned I had a copy of Manuel from Fawlty Towers singing “Shaddap You Face”. I’m not sure if the guy was impressed or just feeling sorry for me.

At this point, my view changed. They adjusted the bed so I was no longer starting at the ceiling. This was a bit more comfortable.

Now, obviously, I still couldn’t see exactly what was going on, as they had a screen up… Oh, wait. I could see exactly what was happening

Now, you know those big operating theatre lights? (These ones were manufactured by a company called Getinge, which made me think of someone saying “Get In” whilst pissed) Naturally, you can’t see anything in the reflection of the lights, as they’re all concave, but the reflection of the white shiny arm that connected the lights to the ceiling gave me the PERFECT view.

Thankfully, it was pretty much over at this point, but still, they had to sever the tendon and sew everything back together. It’s one of those things were you can’t NOT watch….

I could either just stare straight ahead at the blue cloth, or I could look to my top right and watch all the action. “Oooh, that’s a lot of blood”. I can’t even watch anyone get injected, I nearly snap my neck away from the telly every time a COVID story comes on the telly, so exactly why this proved so fascinating shall remain a mystery. Maybe I was “getting high on my mortality” as Sinead Lohan once sang.

In record collecting news, I’ve been out buying lots more CDs. Seems quite a few places have had a glut of CD donations and are therefore getting rid of them pretty cheaply. I haven’t had that much luck with the boot fairs – obviously my access to these has been limited too, but I did pick up The World of BBC TV Themes for 50p. This is the only known release that includes the full length theme to “Rockcliffe’s Babies”, performed by Paul Hart, Joe Campbell and the children from the Corona Stage School. Who’d have thought they’d have became so famous over the past two years? Oh, wait.

So, yeah. That’s been a very quick life update. Esentally, nothing’s happened for months…. nothing’s new there, then.

The theme tune to Desmond’s

Waaay back in the late 1980s, there was a comedy show called “Desmond’s”, following a family running a barber’s shop in Peckham. It aired from 1989 until the death of the lead actor, Norman Beaton, in 1994.

It would come to no surprise (to both of my regular readers anyway) that I was a fan of the theme tune, and of course, it’s one of the things that stood out to me. I loved it, and it was one of my favourite parts of the programme. It was one of those theme tunes that should have been released as a single, but it wasn’t.

Every year or so, I’d do a quick Google to see if a proper copy, or even an extended version of the theme had been leaked anywhere. Nope. The only things that ever turned up were just off-air, or off DVD recordings. Nothing more than the 45 seconds used at the start of the programme, and the instrumental bit used in the credits at the end. I came to the conclusion that it was only ever used on the programme, especially as it was co-written by the creator, Trix Worrell.

I think I went though one of these search things most recently anout a year ago, when for absolutely no reason, the theme started to be used in an advert for butter. This rekindled my love for the theme, and got me thinking, there had to be an “official” version. As the show ended in 1994, it’s unlikely that it would still exist some 26ish years later, and it certainly sounded better quality than it just being ripped from a copy of the programme.

Once again, I searched high and low (or rather, I searched Youtube), and found nothing. What’s even weirder, is that the full episodes that had been uploaded to Youtube now had the theme tune removed. How very, very odd. Considering that its only use outside of Desmonds was on a butter advert, it seemed very odd that it would just suddenly disappear like that. Obviously someone still owns the copyright to the song, so it could have just been that they didn’t want it on youtube, but why would they object to the theme being on there, but still allowing the rest of the episode to survive? It seemed clear that someone else had the rights to the song now, than what they did when Desmond’s was recorded. Were they planning a re-release?

Again, the trail went cold. No song, no videos on Youtube (except for poor quality versions), no more butter advert, and no release. I put it to the back of my mind. It was never going to see the light of day. A quarter of a century had gone by.

Now, I’ve been holed up for the past 4 weeks, thanks to an operation on my foot. I’ve barely been able to move off the sofa for a month, so I’ve became acquainted with an old friend called “Television”. Tonight (or yesterday by the time this makes it “to air”), I was watching The Chase, and the butter advert made a reappaearance. Just out of complete boredom, I flung “Don’t Scratch My Soca” into Google. Up came a result for Bandcamp. It was 3 minutes long. I didn’t expect much, just a fan remix or something like that. Imagine my surprise when, not only was it the proper version used on Desmond’s, it had a second verse! This was the moment I’d waited over 30 years for. All of the bits were there… the main theme, the bit they fade out when the episode starts, the end theme, and of course, that never-heard second verse. Daddykins, who happened to be enjoying The Chase, didn’t quite understand my excitement, as I fumbled with the remote, pausing his enjoyment of the afore-mentioned tea-time quiz show.

The track was released on June 21st, so only 9 days ago. Not only was it available as a free MP3, it’s possible to actually purchase it on vinyl (at the time of typing). A very small number were produced. 100 in colured vinyl, 200 in black vinyl, and a few white label test pressings. Well, I had to go for the coloured vinyl. I only ordered it today, so obviously, it hasn’t turned up yet. Might be a couple of weeks. Might be sooner. No doubt I’ll update when I have the record in my grasp.

Should you wish to hear the full theme, or even chance your arm at getting a vinyl copy, you can click here. Now, to give my fingers a rest, as typing this all into my phone hasn’t been the most comfortable experience.

EXTENSION: The theme was also written and produced by John Collins, and released under his “Local Records” label, which explains how / why the master recording survives. And, of course, it’s also available on Spotify

I asked some of the questionson the Local Records website too, such as when it was recorded, why it wasn’t released until now, etc.

ITV Racing music

UPDATE April 11th 2024… At Around 4:30, they read out the runners and riders for this years’ Grand National, with a piece of orchestral music in the back. It’s the theme from the 1988 Olympics, composed by John Williams. BBC used it for quite a few years. Now, back to the original post.

Do you watch the racing on ITV? Do you like the double-bassy, mute-trumpety music they use when introducing the runners and riders for each race? Do you wish you could own a copy of this music, or at least stream it on somewhere like Spotify? Well, now you can!

It’s title is… Drum Roll Please…. “Les Fleurs” by 4 Hero, released on their 2001 album “Creating Patterns”.

I’ve been after it for ages, so I thought someone else might have been too, hence the blog post. Turns out I’ve had the exact track on a compilation CD for ages and never realised. Minnie Riperton originally performed the song in 1970.

Also, the flutey music they use when going into a break (not part of the main theme, which is also pretty flutey) is the instrumental version of “Go Do” by Jonsi.

The actual theme was composed especially for the program, and to my knowledge, has never been commercially released.

We will return you to your scheduled programming shortly. *cough*.

UPDATE: Well, that didn’t take long, thanks to the reliability of Discogs, I’ve got the single in my collection now, which contains the instrumental version.

Polydor 2384 107! I has it!

OK, I haven’t even started the blog, and I’ve already confused at least one of my viewers. What the hell is “Polydor 2384 107”, I hear you cry? You may remember a few months ago, I did one of my “Theme Music Appreciation” posts, where I reviewed a “BBC Themes” album I’d borrowed off Andy The Iridium Fan.

Some of the worst tracks came from another album entitled “Sixteen Small Screen Greats”, with the “Polydor 2384 107” catalogue number. I commented on how I’d like to get my hands on a copy just to hear the rest of the tracks… well, thanks to a case of finding a virtual needle in a haystack, I now have a copy right in front of me.

ATIF recently acquired a large collection of records and CDs, and I was invited over to Iridium Mansion to have a flick through and take what I wanted. The records were located in the attic, which was only partially lit. Now, for most people this would be a problem, but not for ATIF. He came upstairs to the attic, carrying a Phosco P678 streetight. It was plugged into the wall socket, and the CD/record browsing commenced…


The first photo contains streetlights, records, CDs, and a packet of Maynards Wine Gums. All this photo needs, is a pint of beer, a vindaloo and a pair of tits, and I’d had been in heaven.

Very quickly after a short flick through the CDs and records, I found that the original owner of the records and CDs was an avid theme music collector, which means that there was a lot of old 1980s TV theme vinyl in there, and some of them were brilliant. There was a load of the re-recorded variety, but several were the “genuine article”

Aside from the afore-mentioned Ronnie Hazelhurst LP, I pulled out a number of different albums, including “The TV Hits Album”, released on Towerbell Records, volumes 1 and 2. I had downloaded these particular albums (naughty naughty) as horribly compressed and scratched MP3s, so I knew the tracks included were genuine. The vinyl on these, as with all of the records, is mint, so I now have a copy of Su Pollard’s “Starting Together” to call my own… that is, if my record player’s stylus wasn’t running low on sharpness.

Speaking of Stylus, there was one of the theme albums released under the “Stylus” record label. I’ve had ‘bad’ records from this company in the past, where the tracks are either edited down, or re-recorded, so I wasn’t expecting much. I slapped it on the turntable, and played Track 1, the “Cagney And Lacey” theme. It’s a piece of music I like, but have never been able to track down the version used on the programme. I pressed play. The turntable sprang into life. The sax intro plays…. it sounds almost genuine. The main theme kicks in, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. It’s the exact version used on the programme, even down to the seldom-noticed xylophone / glockenspiel / whatever percussion instrument it is, barely audible, 40 – 52 seconds into it. Any re-recording would have lost this entirely. There’s also the piano buried back there too, just like every good 80s TV theme.

Er, anyway. there is a reason why the C+L theme is almost impossible to track down on CD… it’s because it was recorded in mono, and it’s 1′ 15″ in length. Every version commercially available on CD is re-recorded, made longer and recorded in stereo. Don’t tamper with the classics, eh?

My plastic-browsing was brought to a temporary, yet abrupt halt, when the streetlight providing our illumination, suddenly went phut, and plunged the entire attic (and the rest of Iridium Mansion) into darkness, with the only illumination coming from the red-hot, yet slowly cooling arc tube. Within seconds, bellows of “ANDREW!” came from downstairs… Now, there could be a couple of things that caused the leccy in his house to trip. His parents seemed to think he was toying with something, but at the time I knew he wasn’t, he was sorting some photos at the time. My opinion wasn’t asked, so I kept out of it. Should it be needed in the future, when the lights went out, ATIF was looking at photos. I was looking at CDs, Neither of us were holding screwdrivers. Bit late now, but still, Awwwwkward.

For the first time ever, my phone came to the rescue. I thought its “flashlight” feature was a jokey gimmick. Honestly, it’s not. It’s not the brightest thing in the world, but my word, it’s worth its weight in LEDs.

The visit to ATIF’s ended as usual, with the obligatory photo of me holding a streetlight. This time, I went for the SOX variant of the GEC Z567x series…

Yes, I’m quite aware my hair needs cutting…